Dear Friend,
It finally happened. I did IT. I ditched school on Monday and took the bus
to Ignacio’s house. He’s been talking
about it for a while but I’ve been too scared, I’m not the kind of girl that
skips school. But this year is almost over, high school is almost over and we
have gotten closer. On Sunday night we had such a great talk on the phone. We shared our feelings for each other.
Believe it or not I even told him that I loved him. I know, I don’t believe it
either that I let my guard down like that. It wasn't my hormones speaking
either, it was his words and the way he spoke about me and how he felt about me
that made me do it.
When I got to his house he looked nervous because his mom
had come back to the house, she forgot her wallet! So he had to hide in his
closet so she wouldn’t see that he skipped school. He showed me around his house, then took me
to his room. We read together for a
while, he had some poems he wanted me to see then he showed me the letters he
kept that I wrote to him like 2 years ago. We listened to Juan Gabriel and La
Sonora Dinamita as we talked and kissed a lot. It was GREAT! It got very very
heavy and we ended up having coitus. It was my first time. Yes Dear Friend, I
lost my virginity. It was…painful, I had not idea it would hurt but it also
felt very pleasurable. The truth is I don’t know how I should feel now that all
of this happened. I even told my friends about it. I don’t know if I should
feel bad, good or sorry for losing my virginity. Part of me does feel
pleased/relieved. I did start thinking about my future for a bit though, I
could hear my mom’s voice in my head telling me I was now used goods, “no man
is going to want a girl who doesn’t respect herself”. What if she is right, what if no guy wants me
cause I’m not a virgin? As I sit here writing to you, back aching and still
sore between my legs from our 3 hour love fest all I can do it live with
it.
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