Snowshoe Hare

What do you want me to tell you about them? Come on ask me! I dare you! Ok, fine I don’t know that much about snowshoe hares except, all an average person really needs to know about them.  They are vegetarians cause they don’t eat other animals and they use camouflage as a survival tactic. They are the color or forest ground in the summer and snow white in the winter. That’s how I spent my president’s day this year along side one of the cutest little boys I know helping him out with his second grade report.

I love kids. Truth is I always have.  I grew up around so many kids, my oldest sister who is four years older than me was the neighborhood baby sitter at age thirteen; maybe even younger.  After school my one bedroom shoebox size apartment was filled with up to ten little kids including my three older sisters and I. Now I enjoy taking part in the lives of my nieces and nephews- I like to take trips to the theater, park, basketball games and bookstores were we spend quality time. And my partner has a son, that’s another kid in my life.  I never imagined myself dating a woman with a child- seriously never part of my imagination. It’s not as out of this world as I make it sound, but that was my subjective reality.  Being involved with someone with a child takes  a different type of commitment. And when I say “involved” I mean you’re more than just a chilln with the girl going our for tacos every once in a while. I mean involved as you’re in love and your outlook on the relationship is quite bright and you ca seriously see yourself taming those “back-door boyfriend” ways.   My tattooist Big Chuey- I say my tattooist like one says my hairstylist because that’s how happy I am with my tat, I’m confident I want Chuey to work on me some more.  So Big Chuey says, actually his mom told him when he got involved with a woman with a child, “que no puedes querer a la gallino y no a los pollitos”.

  You can’t choose not be involved in the life of a child once that child enters your life. Well, I suppose you could choose not to be involved the way my stepfather (aka “The Man”) chose not to be involved with me He’s been a part of my family for eighteen years and to this day we don’t speak. Strange but true how he’s there but not really there; another father figure who wasn’t there for me. I don’t want to be that kind of stepmother, that type of person period. It’s just not me.  Dating a mommy means you not only have a commitment with her you establish one with the child too. Relationships are hard and when a child is involved frankly it’s scary. Who doesn’t or hasn’t had thoughts of breaking a relationship off when life felt so fucken hard you couldn’t even cry about it anymore? Things with the relationship your life, heart, soul get so convoluted the core of you trembles deep down with every breath – te cuesta respirar.  Big Chuey told me that it’s during those times that I shouldn’t pull out the “that’s not my kid,” card. He said not even when you want the mommy to act the way you want her to act or do the things you want her to do cause that’s manipulation. Right!  Not to mention the message it sends to the child. Kids are very responsive to love and kindness, that’s all it takes to build trust with a child. What better and easier way to start a bond. 

I’ve done the whole “not my kid card” not verbally and never acted on it (NEVER) but those thoughts have crossed my mind once. More out of awkwardness and confusion when I was trying to find my place in the situation, feel my role of a parental figure of sorts and felt myself slip a little, metaphorically speaking of course. Both parents are greatly and positively present in this child’s life so it’s been a challenge finding my role. Unlike most cases I know, including one of my sister's, when one parent is out of the picture, makes it a bit more seamless for the new partner to become a surrogate parent.  Maybe that just poses different challenges? It’s those awkward moments when I’ve felt like my steps aren’t quite as steady, that I’ve wished I wish I had camouflaging abilities like the fantastic snowshoe hare. But alas I’m not that kind of mammal so instead what I do is just be present, caring, open and be myself.  Got to be. Oh and I try not rush the situation/relationship with the kid- it’s like standing on the beach and letting the tide reach you, it always does and in the same way the relationships flourish. I try to proceed with loving kindness the way I do with all my loved ones. Lastly, I do have to remind myself not to be so tough on myself when I forget to do stuff. Like on President’s day the kid typed up his report, it took forty minutes for him to finish two paragraphs but he was so proud and excited about how well he had typed. That was a perfect opportunity for me to tell him how proud I was of him and congratulate him on typing his first report, right? But I didn’t.  I did praise him throughout the process I must say but I wish I had said those words to him when we were finally done. I’ll make sure I tell him though next time I see him.  I learned from this experience and not just about snowshoe hares but also about what roles I can play in the life of the kid. 

p.s. It is called a snowshoe hare because its hind feet are long and its toes spread out like snowshoes.

La Influencia

The flu or influenza if you want to be scientifically correct is something that I’m sure we’ve all experienced and will continue to experience throughout our lives as long as the influenza virus continues to exist and mutate as it does. It’s the virus’ mutation abilities that make it so resilient since our immune systems can’t really develop antibodies against a changing predator (mush like the HIV virus but that’s a whole other story). At it’s worst the influenza can kill you but most of the times we just experience mild cold-like symptoms or respiratory infections.  But lately whenever I get the flu I get KNOCKED on my ass. I recall the days when I was younger (Oh god! I’m hearing myself say this more and more) I’d get the flu and still manage to function as if nothing was wrong. Nowadays I get sick and I have to be under the covers, severely medicated, asleep for hours accompanied by my cats. No ifs and or buts about it. I only wake up for the essentials- eating and bathroom breaks. As a matter of fact I have the flue right now, in case you haven’t guessed it, and as a result I’ve missed three days from work already. Normally I wouldn’t mind this so much but I’ve also missed out on my writing as well. It’s hard to sit up and write when your head feels like it’s being weighed down with five tons of mucus and then have to cough up phlegm every five minutes.  That dam phlegm hurts too!  Each cough creates a sharp sting in my throat as if the thread of a weed whacker were going against my inflamed throat. Seriously that's how bad it starts to feel after days and days of coughing.

God I’ve become such a baby about this flu thing. Lucky for me I’ve had my Mom’s caldo de pollo to nourish my feeble-ass back to health; just one of the perks that comes with being Mom’s neighbor. My favorite perk of all the perks I get from being her neighbor is that I get to see her a lot. I enjoy having dinner with her and just talking to her about random things, the weather of course, my brother’s future, how it would be cool to have a woman leading the country just to see if she makes as much of a mess as the men do and family talk in general.  As I’ve gotten older not only have I noticed that I’ve less resistant to the flu but that my ethereal umbilical cord is stronger than I used to like to admit. Yup, I am a Mama’s boi. Always have, for the mere sake that I’m the baby-girl, and always will be because Mom no longer treats me like a baby-girl and respects me as an adult.  We got to a point where we understand each other and things have been great since. Once while we were driving home form Vegas together she told me that I should have a kid on my own and I should do it soon because she’s “not going to be around much longer so I should take advantage” in other words she was offering her support.  She also told she thought I would make a great parent, “you just can’t be as callejera if you have a kid,” she added.  I of course got chocked up cause this woman whom once would’ve flipped out at the thought of one of her daughters having a child out of wedlock was now encouraging me to do so and offering her support. It also meant a lot that she thought I’d make a great Mom because I think she’s the best Mom ever.  

So what does all this have to do with the flu? Simple. As I was downing a bowl of caldo she told me “don’t worry you’ll get better soon porque ya me lo pegaste a mi,”  the secrete of the flu she said is that once you pass it on to someone then you’re on your road to recovery. If only other things like STIs or debt were that easy to get rid off. Then I got to thinking about Mom having the flu, I know she’s had the flu but I’ve never seen her tirada en la cama draped in her cobijas complaining about congestion and gargajos.  I can’t imagine Mom reacting to the flu in the ways that I’ve reacted to it; she would never and has never missed three days of work (paid or house work) because of a little bug. In fact the only times I’ve seen Mom bedridden for days were when she had a cesarean when giving birth to my brother and then when her appendix burst. Day in and day out Mom puts in long hours of hard work- she's never had a choice really being a single mother with four hungry mouths to feed, sometimes it she had to work two jobs just to make it. Back pain, fevers, flu, dislocated joints nothing held her back.  Nothing was stronger than her determination to raise her daughters and see them/us have a fulfilling life. Nah, she’s not a mujer de hiero but she’s definitely a Superwoman in my eyes. She works and has worked hard every day of her life, which makes me wonder if she realizes the influence she’s had on me and my work ethics, if she realizes that it’s because of her that I’m such a freakin’ workaholic. She’s also very giving and fair-just more of her qualities I strive to embody. Ay, esa mujer como ha sido una fuerte influencia positiva en mi vida. 

P.s. Happy Valentines Day mo'fo! Share the love....