Claudia Rodriguez

Look, IT makes me cry, tear drop, pulse we vibe. Pretty rosy reds take my breath make me pump icy blue the beauty of the heart an open canvas. OPEN cut deep -Surgery deep into the psyche. Little Birdie, Little Birdie get me all … tears in my eye that beauty THAT BEAUTY so pretty I cry. Feelings sprinkled from margin to margin barging into each other electromagnetic lightning they vibe. Buzz, buzz prick…thorns bristled- get away! Bristles! Bristles paint dip the toe. Skin rough n’ tough n tumble like a desert plant straw man of the desert strong man of the desert. Desierto deserted te siento. Caterpillar kicked that shell to the curve. Caterpillar spread those wings out brush against those white lady fingers curving long like a calling. Caterpillar spread those wings out way out sway, glide across the canvas like an open heart SURGERY. Beauty you make me selfish. Make me wanna make it all about me. Grab you pin you to my

I want to be inside you when the clock strikes 12 midnight, new day. New Year. New. EXPERIENCE your birth with you you slide down that water slide, flow. There she flows! Like showers on flowers. Not flowers still wetness. Petals? Lips? I still put nose up in it. When the clock strikes twelve, I want to make you pulsate like Big Ben. Pulse on the roof of your mouth choking on your tongue. We get gutta’ You get guttural I take it personal and hold you accountable let’s Get personal here. I hold you account. Pardon my accent I meant en cuenta No es en cuenta si no cuentas . Cuenta hasta 12 1…2..3 breath 4...5…6 and push through 7…8...9 it’s like being in a dark closet counting down Bloody Mary. SCARY but you gotta look a TrIGGer in the face. Let’s face it it’s like a quake rolls up on you stomach even turns. Get under a table One hand on some fixtures It’s for your safety this time. With your other hand cover your head not your eyes need them for glaring don’t turn away hand over your h

Proud clouds stirred about the evening sky wild tigers, heavy pregnant with drops of rain. Tepid rain timid rain lands on my face tender kisses. The wind nips at my ears …I love wet-windy nights. The next morning get out of bed. Good morning. Back stiff with chills cold morning press my nose against the window fog it up my hot breath looks like yesterday’s sky. I pop it open.. poke my head into the wet cold air burns my nostrils slides down my throat my knees buckle suddenly gotta pee. Get hooked by the sky’s Grey glare She’s still unsettled. Even after a full night of flushing out.

Feels good. Feels so good when you ask about my needs. Feels good to hear you ask if I’m ok after I’ve just broken your… Damn! Look at your O flow fills my hand’s cup O verflow. It flows over my bulging veins down my stressed wrist pumps, pumping your Cunt-spring. Agua manantial quenches my Serpent. Me Thirsty Serpent. You liquid Jade. Obsidian Serpent mirroring my soul. Virgin who? Virgin blood? Virgin whatever! Ey! Ay como me gustas. Ay como me gusta darte tus gustos. Take your breath away Susto! Me asusto when you’ve just broken my Super woman façade you on your knees ask about my needs. You don’t wait for my reply slide your mouth on me kiss me from my knees nibble up my thighs outer, inner in between your kisses land perfect suctions send me pulsing. Feels so good. Ask me. Ask me if I’m ok after I’ve lost my breath for you your kisses, your kindness is royal gonna call you your Highness but you’re an Angel leave me breathless with tenderness it’s the best. Makes me feel like I ju

If you’re sensitive and you know it close your ears. If you’re sensitive and you know it close your ears. If you’re sensitive and you know it cause your face will fo’ sho’ show it If you’re sensitive and you know it close your ears. Close closer to me voy a chismear smear the truth all over your face como mierda. Comen mierda los policiticos los Pop-artistas los pinche ricos rubbing their dollar bills in our faces sweaty balls, t-bagging our pride Brown, white, male Female glitz and glam. We eat it up- fetishists we like to have shit fed to us. Twisted B-D-S-M Emphasis on the D DISGRACE Meanwhile we’re off!!! Every Monday off to the fucken races. The rat game Que quieres pinche rata! Nada guey Solo trato de sobrevivir De eso se trata. I dig my balled up fists deep in my pockets only come up with last year’s dreams cant’ even afford lint balls. So what’s the point then? Time to jump off this hamster wheel. Can’t continue to wh

Por el altar (for Gaspar. Dia de los muertos '99) Dos amigas con corazónes de niños and grains of El Paso desert sand rolling around in their memories open themselves up with tamales, dulces, tequila, mescal two decks of cards- sin el Joker and Cuban cigars to welcome their visitors who come from a long journey of many moons and suns that glowed over Patzcuaro, Michoacan and Oaxaca. They arrive, las amistades, tias , abuelos past lovers pasan por el camino de ese altar guided by the morse-code of candle flickers tantalized by the aroma of foods and the desire to indulge en sus viejos vicios. Soon el cuarto se llena de energia y de calor. words and laughter that bruises their sides drift to the heavens on clouds of gray-green smoke while images of Xena flicker on the t.v. set followed by her warrior’s call when she thrashes the villains and seduces the goddesses. The rest of the night las dos amigas sit with their tongues coated with taste of quemado f

Can I have you on your back For one more night …would that be alright? To let your hair spill all over my sheets and make a bigger mess of things. Let's take it back to two stars colliding in some far away universe generating the ripples that brought us together. I'll cloak myself in our reality, como La Virgen in her robe, a reality OF full moons, bare hearts and one broken cherub I want to get high off the scent that drifts in the crook of your neck and fantasize… that you loved me with the truth till the end that you loved me as your lover your partner your friend… Let's shed our clothes glide our hands and tongues along each other’s contours close our eyes sift through the memories searching for the hole to mend. We'll feel as one lying side by side making my full-size feel twin-size with our tightness. You'll spread your legs for me one last time, unfold your lips like you used to and take me in. I'll cup your chocha with

Mausoleo I lived in el D.F. when I first heard this word. I’d get up every morning to go to school, would wait on a seemingly abandoned road for the pesero to slow down enough for me to hop on board. By the time I’d get on, people were already hanging from the back door of the pesero. The inside was crammed with men and women slick and scented with clumps of sleep in their eyes, but all set to start their day. I’d wait for it¬–the huge arc with a cherub fastened right in the middle to appear before us–as if ascending out of the earth. From the front, the Mausoleo looked like a dull marble wall hanging from the sky from invisible cords. The gray wall was checkered with metal plaques, with names inscribed like cicatrices. This Mausoleo was right in the middle of sparse buildings, vast parched land, and was surrounded by dusty stones. It stood one mile from my apartment, and one mile from el periferico. I would always think, “What an odd place to lay people to rest.” Los Desierto

It’s been almost three months to the day since the last time I felt your body naked, and sticky with mine… still the echoes of our fucking wash over me in spurts. At least I no longer smell you in my sheets, nor emit you through my pores- I am standing before a mirror and spot the craters on my shoulders from the times your fingernails clung to me. how I wish for something immediate to fill them. Then there are the three scars near my lower back deep and ribbed hieroglyphs of our fucking oh how good I made you feel! So good, you wanted to take a piece of me, a chip to carry around in your pocket A chip you can pull out whenever you want to smile remembering those times when We overflowed with love Choked on loss Those times when I became your… You became my Receptacle. I have since shared my body. But only after I recoiled from the idea a few times did I give myself selfishly shielded my wounds with desire, spilled my secretes, not staying long enough to find out if they would be kep

there is no mystery really. no wounds so deep only your kisses and hugs can unearth. I like the pain. plain and simple. Will you still fuck me? Do you still desire me now that you know there’s no one to rescue here…maybe you of course la que me pide que la haga sentir. I will be your Samaritan.

ODE TO AN ASS To an ass that ass meaty fine, that asshole that I met wet my mouth my palate sticky with lick. Let me prick you there with my tongue. Let me go a ring I mean I’ll ream around and around rings those wrinkles brown your anis star twinkled at me when I blew kisses and sprinkled spit at it smooth ready slick. Makes me crass to like ass? PAZ! ZAZ! split the deep seam of your ass with my face. In your ass comfy cozy cheeks to cheeks I whisper into your folds. Te echas pa tras? Por detras bien duro te doy. Pero no hoy. No hoy. Quiero saber quien eres Ve como soy… Aunqe no como hoy Me voy a esperar Recordar those times you bent over before me for me before. Acted like you were picking debris You must’ve seen some shit I didn’t see? I saw your ass shaped like a guitar pick When you bent BEND over for me. That day-remember the stickiness on my leather seats. I licked then split your ass cheek. SMACK!!! Red lickeddy split red it turned my hand burned not enough to jump back from yo

No, this is not to remind you of how I painted my pussy lips strawberry for you and speckled them with chocolate But to tell you that I can't stop thinking about you crawling towards me like a sex-hungry woman… prowling anxious to jump on me and munch on my chocha. So crawl to me my lover when you are hungry when you have the munchies or just a craving. My back is healed- it’s a smooth brown canvas. Don't your teeth itch To clamp down hard on it? Harder! Be mean to it…please I admit that I LOVE it when you rub on my stubbled head but thinking of your fingers tangled in my hair makes my clit hard and feeling my clit hard makes me yearn to have your tongue whip it!

OMG acabo de terminar mi guion. Correction, I've just finished shedding a few tears after completing my script! Phew, it feels so good...I tried not to be perfect, tried to just write what the story was feeding me....acabo de terminar esta revision de mi guion

It’s too long No one is going to like it Go to sleep, go to sleep Go to sleep little audience. You think anyone really wants to see hear feel it? You think anyone really wants? I want’s Call me Sir Wants-a-lot of motivation Something- kryptonite I write for the haters that’s what Why I gotta Wanna Gonna do what I do It’s for the haters Doubting my ability like a codependent already seeing me fall. Ready to catch me stand me on my own two feet planted before me I fall again into the cycle Call me recycled. Yes I am a catch not for your traps or webs of issues not about me helping not about me. Helping me out not picking up another habit not making you a habit. Really, you think you’re going to finish It’s all the smoke Smoking mirrors Slows you down brings you in recoil into you Like you do on that stoners couch Ouch! Holy water, scents of sage It’s for the haters I hear you now and I feel you later Hater And you think the c

There once was a big hole a whole lot of emptiness. Right there You see it? Of course not Cause there is nothing there! Not sure if it’s void of hope though. But then it wouldn’t be empty it would be hope full. There are moments when I feel full. You fool! Me! See those moments that I strive for I want more. Breathing, POSTURE foot strike Strides Usain Bolt-like towards my life. He’s a part of my Tetris Art, my boy WRITING my cAts my kId my kIts my boIs some kicks. Him Work Love play Pray to Huehues that they stay these moments Live them 9 to 5 not living for a 9 to 5 don’t want it don’t don’t don’t want it . He’s my student one more I want to reach I teach preach perched up there in front. Their future I want to keep in front of me their future shape well rounded. There once was a big hole a whole lot of emptiness. Then my fairy-butch mother then another and another told me showed me there are possibilities RUNN

There are those times when feelings are so disorienting, feelings that intimacy like a skeleton key manages to set free. Sometimes they are intense feelings that have nothing to do with what just happened. It happened to... And sometimes it happened during their heavy playing, emotions that had no business being there surfaced all uninvited. Well sort of, they say don’t hate the player hate the game but with BDSM, it was a game of “dropping my guard for you. I am going to fall back and I know you will catch me, in your web of leather strokes and skin-melting-hot- metals. I will be vulnerable with you, to save my vulnerability, be able to trust again. Catch me please.” BDSM, like ALL relationships, is a tough game. It’s easier saying you’re going to let go then actually doing it. It’s not always our choice either to lose it, and BDSM creates that illusion; CONTROL give it and take it. Consent. Bringing down my walls conceptually. But our heart, our mighty mind collide, like all g

It started when I saw you naked in the hotel bathroom, I heard the water drop with urgency anxious to glisten against your backside. I walked towards you to hand you your razor, as you nicely asked. I approached the bathroom wondering if the Grizzlies were capable of finding that underdog fire inside them to beat the San Antonio Spurs- at least one game. You parted the curtain, bent over, reached out for the razor with your left hand perched your right one on the edge of the tub while the water smacked off your ass your hard nipples waved hypnotically before me. As the razor flowed from my hand to the floor I imagined myself walking into the tub, lifting you so you could hold onto the towel rack that hung from the ceiling placing your thighs on my shoulders and you Cobraing your legs around my neck. My breath constricted I forced my tongue through your thighs Buried it hot and deep inside your chocha, drinking you como agua de coco right out of its shell You tasting sweet And being so

Stroke Strokes across the tight smooth canvass vast strokes fine strokes pelitos on her belly fine. Strokes thick like thumbs pressed pressing windpipe. Strokes I don’t get I give to myself. Strokes I can’t get I give to myself. If I were your Master would you would do what I’d say? I’d say write me sonnets paint me views meant only for a blind woman help me see make me savor cook me meals with your sauce sauciness satire. Stroke me my ego there you go like that you like that self confidence in me ego let go my Ego roam free it go fast it go zoom sweep you off your feet. Please don’t jump over my broom. That’s crossing the line. Be like me like me I don’t like too, much. Serial Seriousness No more I’m serious. Not marathon Mono-gamer anymore I’m serious. Each day I am faced by my values the things I like appear in so many shapes and sizes. They are so scattered- wanna connect the dots hand gliding across from one dot

Mi mujer Al mirar en sus ojos color cajeta me pierdo en mi imaginación, veo su corazón latiendo por mi fuerte como el palpite del mío chocando contra mi pecho. Sus labios son finos y suaves Como bombones Al tocarlos con los míos Se desbaratan como burbujas es la sensación que me dan sus besos burbujeos en mis labios mi cuerpo se llene de emoción Su belleza de mujer domina todo mis sueños. Dominante Dominatrix su belleza es un don la veo por las noches su figura consume mis pensamientos todo el día. Belleza omnipresente por dentro, por fuera consumo de lo que me muestra. Me consume el deseo de tocar su cuerpo rozar su piel canela como la de la Malinche deseo pecaminoso causa rechazo. Pero así lo dijo el destino Y estiro su rizos suaves y sedosos, los atrapo entre mis dientes y los estiro sus rizos fragantes a coco, me invitan a que entierre mi cara en ellos. Me hacen cosquillas en las nariz como el olor de aquellos churros con canela que saboreábamos cada domingo después de misa. Me ac

agrandamiento de células malignas es el cáncer que me come por dentro convirtiendo nos en enemigos, en mi propia mi peor enemiga. Por que la verdad ni quien me pare ni quien me mantenga si que el rechazo fractura el ego luego uno se pasa la vida buscando ese refuerzo positivo fracturas se curan no olvidar lo caminado ese golpe no fue por torpe tope topare con mi destino siento el frio en las venas aunque no tengo nada nada pa’ perder solo el alma que se marchita se marcha de mi cuerpo simplemente una cavidad simple seré pero seré!

Punto.

I. Your big, swollen breasts bloated, in pain bad pain how it feels good. I bet it does II. I feel sad guilty when I think about the pain. Makes me wet- Your breast, tender with pain many times they’ve felt that way because of me. Bad pain how it feels so good it does. III. I sniff my fingers Sweet, wet pussy on my tips sweet wet pussy on MY tip. Made me want to and I did tap that ass many times made it mine. Distance has made my heart grow less fearful. IV. Fuck me… fucking you. Watch me cum! they way I’ve had you watch before I don’t have to touch you to fuck you I never did Why do I feel like I have to now find our mojo that mental connection not just brain sex those times when cell minutes were used up With you giving me your busts. Mobile to mobile Please believe I was giving you mine Cause that’s how it feels to want I want you I have to surpass We can surpass I bet we does…

Has “clic” toma una foto. Una foto lo mas cercas que puedo llegar en mi intento en detener el tiempo. Como me hace tranza el tiempo no se puede retener dejo la cinta del destino correr. Me tienen en una tranza mi sueños estoy presente en mi piel en mi corazón pero no deja de parecer un sueño. Mis palabras Parajos migrantes viajan por doquiera. Viajo por mis palabras celebradas en otras tierras en otras almas se entierran. Pero como las golondrinas regresan , me vuelven a mi centro. San Antonio te tengo en mi espíritu y tu lo sabrás Cada vez que veas esta foto fíjate “en la sombra de mis ojos te perderás en mi mirada."

(inspired by all this LA rain) I’m going to purge you out of me. I’m going to purge you out of my system. I’m going to purge you out with music. Canciones de amor que me llenan de dolor. I’ll listen to them over and over, until My ears and heart become numb to the words. I’m going to purge you out with my tears cry myself to sleep until there are no more tears left to be shed My pillow soaking up all the evidence I’m going to purge you out al estilo Jalisco ¡AJUA! Con una botella de tequila! Drinking myself into frenzy… stumbling my way out of your memories. I’m going to purge you out with these fingers Tracing them all over my body Over all your abandoned trails, seeking that one spot Touching it, loving it, repossessing it. I’m going to give myself a limpia with old journals Poems and the letters never read. Piling them up and building an altar to memories emotions and hope…dead Finally, I’m going to purge myself with a fuck. Slide, glide and sweat you

¿Por que te deje? ¿Por que dejo? ¿Por que me dejo? Por que recurro al abandono precisamente cuando siento el completo abandono de mis emociones? Esta pauta Es mi salvavidas La dulce amargura Que me alimenta Me da fuerzas Para regresar a mi Centro Lleno de ecos De rechazo Te rechazo Pero en vano Al fin me quedo sola Con mi indiferencia una por siempre inflexible aunque la trate de negar.

I stopped drinking smoking fucking. Stopped putting shit IN ME and shit started popping INside ME come up come out come out wherever you are out of ME. Sobriety has me feeling some shit I don’t even like like anger sours my stomach pains my side, my head, shoulder the root- a damaged heart. Shit busted open like a frozen pipe shit erupted this New York morning making me feel all woody stiff no longer numbed making me feel yesterday too. Feels like road rage. Caged in my car. Caged by my thoughts. Can’t stop thinking how far ahead of me you are guess you took the carpool out of us, to the next exit the next rest stop the next butch out of this mess. I’m just a right lane waiting for the next accident to happen. Are you in? Are you out? Hurry merge! You don’t know and don’t even understand my signals. I should learn to read the Sig alerts. Foot on the gas catch that bitch on Rebound Ave. thummbing it for the next town or I’ll cross her on that turnstile called your life. All this time yo

In my room painting the walls, finally gonna finish. No music or tv in the background just the sound of my fur babies making funny noises in their sleep. I don’t dare to talk, the brush sh-sh-sh-sh keeps telling me to be quiet. Shhhh, up my wall and shhhhhh down my wall covering my trim in gold, very golden like crown royal, and a blue fit for royalty. I don’t want to feel like a King nor a Queen just royal. Shhhh, my brush whispers secretes that remind me of you, how you throw yourself into your work. How you threw yourself into that last work, poured the last drop of energy depleted and sick, how this made me want to throw myself into your work roll around in it, wade in the colors, touch every spot where your hands have been. Your hands how much they turn me on. Your hands so caring to the canvas, delicate they are they way they invade each blank spot with life. Spread that angel wings dust echa mis fantasias a volar. Spread those fingers, reach wide, gather the paint then sq

Love Is like a fucken game of hot-hands I put mine over yours for a quick second move them away before the sting of your slap I don’t avoid all the time. I put them there again and I fall asleep Dare I say it- I’m too, much in my head my thoughts wound rubber band tight look at my temples how they’re not revered they’re mounds of tension. That’s what my square jaw is all about, I’m not really all that Hollywood Can’t play the part in a romantic comedy cause I get slapped around by love Love, love live Live to love. Can’t quite get a handle on what makes ME so special Special? that’s me Questioning the wrong things again. Your arms draped around me cuz, you pecking my face with kisses cuz and me dumb struck not knowing why? Why are you so happy why? you giving me so much love that makes me shy away shrivel up like a belly button but not quiet healed. Heel! Heel! Makes it stop Heal, heals Doesn’t always make it go away Trusting, accepti

My pieces are not meant to portray BDSM as mean/scary but rather to show how intense sexual/sensual feelings and desires can be, how they are suppressed too, many times cause we are unable to express them for some reason or another. When they are released it can be scary and definitely intense. So yes to homo, yes to sex, yes to eat and be eaten- survival of the fittest. When I look up in the mirror and I don't know who or what is looking back at me...it feels good. The answer is the end. I don't want to know the answer if it'll mean the end. Besides, if I didn't go for the scary I wouldn't be who I am, wouldn't have the Mistress that I have nor be on the path I'm on. Master plan...here we come.

It is what it is. A disgrace a mustache a uni-brow on a pretty face. No matter how much you consume her you all can’t be Frida La sufrida, vivio su vida. Subidas y bajadas Haci es la vida. Now that there is someone….(ugh!) some pain that you no one wants to feel some pain that kills some pain that makes you wanna kill yourself quick like a leap or slow like depression of your soul put yourself down down in a little black box Aha! Hence my intrigue. Not my destiny but my mind. So not free to so not free Not expunged of those memories I say I can’t remember but como los cargo encima como el peso del matrimonio … some pain that makes you wanna kill. But she didn’t she didn’t kill herself! She painted her imperfections with perfection. She paints her imperfections with inflections with inflections with inflec-tionnnnnnnnn-ssssssss Painting deliciousness on tongues. She paints her imperfections for me letting me in to what got into her. Her